Ava Has Autism

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as a parent is this:

👉 Our children don’t learn how to manage emotions from what we say.
They learn from what we do.

If I yell when I’m angry —
but tell my child not to yell when they’re angry —

…that’s a mixed message. And it isn’t fair.

Because the truth is… parents are human too.
We feel angry.
We feel overwhelmed.
We feel sad.
We feel exhausted.

And none of those feelings are “bad.”

Feeling emotions means we are alive — we are human — we are real. 💛

What matters most isn’t avoiding emotions.
It’s how we respond to them — and how we model that response for our children.

🧠 Feelings Are NOT “Bad” — They’re Messages

Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught:

🚫 anger is bad
🚫 sadness is bad
🚫 crying is weak
🚫 frustration is failure

But that’s simply not true.

Emotions are information.
They tell us something is wrong, something matters, or something needs attention.

And I want my children to know:

✨ It is okay to feel angry.
✨ It is okay to feel sad.
✨ It is okay to feel overwhelmed.
✨ It is okay to feel everything.

What matters is learning how to act appropriately while feeling those emotions.

That’s emotional regulation.

💛 You Are Not Your Feelings

Language matters.

I’m intentional about saying:

🗣️ “I feel angry.”

—not—

🚫 “I am angry.”

Because you are not your emotions.
Your feelings are an experience, not your identity.

This also teaches kids:

✔️ Feelings come and go
✔️ They don’t define who you are
✔️ You are still safe
✔️ You are still loved

And there is power in separating who we are from what we feel.

🌬️ Modeling Emotional Regulation — In Real Life

When I feel angry, overwhelmed, or overstimulated as a parent, I don’t pretend I’m fine. I don’t stuff it down. I don’t shame myself.

Instead, I’m honest.

I gently say:

🗣️ “I need to take a breathing break because right now I feel angry.”

And then…

I actually take that break.

I step aside.
I breathe.
I calm my nervous system.
I give myself space — so I don’t react in a way that hurts anyone.

And my kids see that.

They see:
✨ I have emotions
✨ I don’t yell through them
✨ I don’t explode

I regulate.

Not perfectly.
Not magically.
Not without effort.

But patiently, intentionally, honestly.

And because I model it —
they learn how to regulate too.

🚫 Why Yelling While Expecting Calm Kids Doesn’t Work

This is the hard truth — but a loving one.

If a parent yells when angry
…but expects their child not to yell when angry…

That isn’t emotional regulation.

Kids mirror what they see.
If anger = yelling in our home…
they will learn that too.

Emotional regulation starts with us.

And that doesn’t mean perfection.
It means awareness + accountability + repair.

When we mess up (because we will), we can say:

🗣️ “I raised my voice. I shouldn’t have done that. I was feeling overwhelmed, and I’m going to try again.”

That is powerful modeling.

🕊️ Emotional Regulation Takes Practice — For Adults Too

Regulation isn’t something you “achieve.”
It’s a daily practice of:

✔️ self-check-ins
✔️ awareness
✔️ honesty
✔️ pausing before reacting
✔️ choosing calm over chaos

Sometimes I pause and say:

🗣️ “I need a moment. My feelings are really big right now.”

And that’s okay.

In fact, that’s healthy.

We don’t have to be perfect emotional beings to raise emotionally aware children.
We simply have to be present — and willing to grow alongside them.

🌱 Teaching Kids the Language of Feelings

When we model emotional regulation, we also model healthy words around emotions.

Instead of:
🚫 “Stop crying.”
🚫 “Calm down!”
🚫 “There’s nothing to be upset about.”

We can say:
✨ “It looks like you feel really overwhelmed.”
✨ “Your feelings are valid.”
✨ “Let’s breathe together.”
✨ “It’s okay to feel angry. It’s not okay to hurt others.”

We validate the feeling.
We guide the behavior.

That combination builds emotional safety. 💛

🧩 Emotional Regulation Is Connection — Not Control

This isn’t about forcing kids to be calm.
It’s not obedience training.

It’s about:

🌿 helping them understand their emotions
🌿 supporting nervous system regulation
🌿 building lifelong coping skills
🌿 teaching self-awareness and compassion

Because someday…

They will grow into adults who still feel big emotions.
And the tools we model today become the tools they use tomorrow.

❤️ A Final Gentle Reminder for Parents

You are human.
You are allowed to have feelings.
You are allowed to make mistakes.
You are allowed to repair and try again.

Perfection is not required here.

Presence is.
Honesty is.
Self-reflection is.

And your willingness to regulate yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.

Because when we say:

🗣️ “I feel angry — and I’m going to take a breathing break.”

We teach them:

✨ Feelings are okay.
✨ You are safe.
✨ You are not your emotions.
✨ And you are always worthy of compassion.

And that is emotional regulation at its core. 💛

For Resources on Emotional Regulation, checkout these products

👉 Emotional Regulation Social Story: Adventures of Ava and Eli: Ava and Eli Have BIG Emotions Amazon.com: Ava and Eli Have Big Emotions (Adventures of Ava and Eli): 9798271899911: Dorethy, Teika: Books

👉 Emotional Regulation Bundle for Kids, Visual Coping Tools, Complete With a How-to Guide – Etsy